6.07.2002

HAW HAW HAW. Jhonen Vasquez as Vash the Stampede in a live action movie. That's delicious.
+22:09:00+ (Xloknor) I dun care. You're both obsessed. Zim is amazing. Jhonen isn't that great. Zim in large doses is great. Jhonen in large doses...
+22:09:03+ * Xloknor trails off.
+22:09:36+ (Esoris) Um, Matt. Without Jhonen, no Zim.
+22:09:46+ (Xloknor) You're missing my point.
+22:09:51+ (Xloknor) Glurk is my creation. Everyone loves Glurk. No one likes me.
+22:10:25+ (Xloknor) It's the Dr. Frankenstein concept: Love the creator, hate the creation. Only in reverse.
+22:11:41+ (Floyd) Well, I have nothing to do, Matt. It's either play EverQuest and rot away my swiss-cheese brain or get inspirations to make comic books of my own.
+22:11:45+ (Floyd) And aspire to do great things.
+22:11:53+ (Floyd) Like move to California and hide in Sirose's basement.
+22:12:02+ (Floyd) And live there with Sirose.
+22:12:07+ (Esoris) I dun have a basement.
+22:12:11+ (Floyd) .. shut up.
+22:12:28+ (Esoris) You can sleep in my bed and I'll sleep on the floor.
+22:12:34+ (Esoris) I like the floor.
+22:12:37+ (Esoris) It's cold.
+22:12:37+ (Floyd) No, I'll take the ceiling, thank you.
I found Jhonen's website. He's a genius, isn't he?
My mental age is 19. I'll tell you a secret and say that I'm younger than 19. Guess what I chose for the best cartoon on TV question, just guess!

By the way, don't ever go on a Boston Harbor cruise when it's raining. Most likely, all the seats in the warm area of the ship will be taken and you will be forced to either sit on the floor or stand on the set upper decks while getting soaked with rain and frozen with wind. Just thought you'd like to know.

Oh, and another quiz.





Find your Role-Playing
Stereotype
at mutedfaith.com.
[Angel.]


Don't you hate it when you write a beautiful weblog entry and suddenly the ceiling caves in on your head, the four horsmen of the apocolypse come crashing through and you forgot to press publish?! Don't you hate it?!

Eh, it happens.

I know some people are going to find me redundant, which I am, but I've got to have obsessions. If I don't have an obsession, then I have no character. And without character, I am just bland. I bought Invader Zim seasons one and two on VHS off a yahoo auction. "I Feel Sick" should be coming over the weekend or on Monday. Spooky squeeks the hell out of my mom. Jhonen Vasquez for president.

I should practice drawing more. I'm just struggling too often, with too many disappointments, and I wish everything would come naturally. People think that artistically "talented" people have this natural ability that works every time they create art. I don't think so, no. An eraser is the artist's best friend, if you'd like to call me an artist. Practice is everything -- and I'm not doing it enough. I need to get my own style down as well -- everything I do is random and uneven. I need to get a steady flow of creation, not just taking others' styles and twisting them. My style needs to be original and not overused -- but it's so damn hard. But maybe I'm just blind to my own work and people with clearer visions can tell me that I draw fine. Please do?

I have a strange reason for getting all A's in school. It is not the encouragement of anyone, or ambition, and it's just barely the will to succeed. My motivation to do well in school is fear. Pure, uncontained fear. My parents don't believe me when I say I have social anxiety. Heh, my father takes paxil and zoloft. My mom says I watch too many commercials. My fear is made up of an assortment of things; fear of disappointment, criticism, humiliation, not living up to an expectation. I'm incredibly sensitive, if you can tell. It's just that this fear, this motivation, works so well that I manage to get good grades. It would be sad if I just suddenly gained enough confidence to face the horrors of a teacher's dissatisfaction. So very sad.

I guess social anxiety has it's uses. Spooky has uses too. He can drown out the noise of my father, but I can still hear him telling me I'm acting like a four-year-old.

6.06.2002

I'm too lazy to post something right now. If you'd like to speak to me for some twisted reason, then cool people with the IRC can contact me at irc.sorcery.net -- #pacman. Don't be intimidated; we're as cynical and scary as we seem. We're also idle a lot, and not many people come. I go by a bunch of nicknames, currently used "Gnat." I also use "Spooky," "Zofo," "Stumbleine," "Juxtaposed," "Untouchable," "Floyd," "Ubermessiah," and et cetera.

6.05.2002

Read this. It's beautiful. I've read it a million times but I keep forgetting to link it.
I am like a madonna; I have a gap in my teeth. I feel powerful. But I'm always surrounded. I'm drowning in a pool of ignorance.
Grr... fragging geocities.. click on surrounded.JPG on this listing. Those are all things either said to me or to someone else undeservant of the comment. One fourth of the things said were made by a single guy .. a really sexist guy, too. Full of stereotypes. And I was angry at the world. So angry.

Oh, and since yesterday's post to my newest colored piece doesn't work either.. click on bloodinthegutter.JPG on this listing. It took two days to make -- inspired by Sirose as I had said. Try to figure out what the red paint is.. yadda, yar.

This, by the way, is my favorite picture of Jhonen Vasquez. He's monkey saluting a victory to his comrades, or something along those lines. Yeah, you go, boy.

+19:57:35+ * Esoris listens to John Tesh music now.
+19:57:40+ * Gnat doesn't.
+19:57:45+ * Gnat is scared of John Tesh.
+19:58:28+ (Esoris) My mom had the cd. I listened, ..and I cannot stand it.
+20:00:22+ * Esoris stops and hmms.
+20:00:41+ (Esoris) I think Jhonen was joking about the John Tesh thing.
+20:01:36+ (Gnat) ...
Spooky finally came in the mail today. I can't stop squeeking (him, not me. I don't squeek) I thought his torso was the only thing that squeeked, then I twisted head around and it squeeked as I squeezed it. I was happily surprised.

More IRC poetry fun!
+18:01:55+ (Gnat) Trust me instead
+18:01:58+ (Gnat) Inside your head.
+18:02:06+ (Kearbium) Your head is nice.
+18:02:33+ (Gnat) It is full of rice and lice and mites that bite no more than thrice.
+18:03:11+ (Gnat) It's a motherfucker, inside your head. Trust me instead.
+18:03:17+ (Gnat) Yeah.

6.04.2002

Improvisation poetry.

+17:55:02+ (Sakhi) Do you not see me? Do you not see me suffering?
+17:55:10+ (Spooky) I cannot.
+17:55:20+ (Spooky) Because my monitor.. it is solid.
+17:55:30+ (Spooky) Do you not feel my agony?
+17:55:33+ (Sakhi) Oh.
+17:55:36+ (Sakhi) I feel it.
+17:55:44+ (Sakhi) It courses through me like a drug.
+17:56:06+ (Spooky) Injected with a diseased needle.
Well, the EverQuest fanfaire this year is going to be in Boston. I don't think I'll attend, though. I haven't played the game in about a month. I'm starting to lose interest and I'm picking up the life I left behind. I was obsessed when I did play. Now it's back to drawing, making new obsessions, and the usual boredom.

Speaking of drawing, I have a new piece. It was inspired by a series of pictures by a friend of mine, Sirose. She and I are both Jhonen-o-philes, thus this picture. Sirose designed the costumes, which are pretty damn cool. Heavily inspired by "Johnny the Homicidal Maniac." Try to figure out what the red stuff is.

Don't you love it when fellow cynics meet each other? Disaster -- but he blocked me first. Hahaha. He took 3-5 minutes thinking up responses -- ahh, if only he knew I was part of an organization AGAINST the kind of idiot I was sort of acting like. He would've never believed me, so I took the "make person really mad with stupid comments" approach.

UrsusTheHorrible: Hi. I have a friend. You seem to be bothering that friend.
ChibiChance: How wonderful for you
UrsusTheHorrible: She doesn't like being bothered.
ChibiChance: I wouldn't like that either.
UrsusTheHorrible: Kearby would like you to know that she's taken.
ChibiChance: Amusing, I was unaware she was a possesion.
UrsusTheHorrible: Hmm.
ChibiChance: You seem to be under the massively deluded impression that your words, however phrased, interpreted, make an impact on anything. Your action, however has. Actually, by bringing yo into this, she has.
ChibiChance: I'm nothing, if not blunt. Cowards, those who refuse to fight or confront for themselves, disturb me as much as people who allow those others to use them.
UrsusTheHorrible: Yes'm.
ChibiChance: So, in other words, You, and Kearby, disgust me. Now whether youtake that..however, is of no consequence, I'm simply stating fact. I could type this just as easily in Word and be satisified with the response.
UrsusTheHorrible: Yes, I agree.
UrsusTheHorrible: You're funny, say more.
ChibiChance: In fact, I presume word would offer more stimulating responses. Now you can stop messaging me.
UrsusTheHorrible: Yessir. *salutes*
UrsusTheHorrible: So, you like me, yes?
ChibiChance: So, I take it there's some level of mental retardation that runs in your family. Quite common with cowards and their toads really, but was there some part of you that didn't understand that I was finished?
UrsusTheHorrible: I bet you're after my famous chicken recipe, huh?
UrsusTheHorrible: Just stay away from my wallet.
ChibiChance: Ah, avoidence. Distraction. The last tools of a fool.
UrsusTheHorrible: Okay, Mr. Cynical.
ChibiChance: Sarcasm. A nitwit's weapon. I suppose you're one of those people who mumble everything in a snide voice after it's said, thinking it's somehow witty or intelligent or even insulting. Now, as I said, this is big people's conversation. When you're ready to talk and act like an adult, I'll talk to you again.
UrsusTheHorrible: I'd just like to know, is that quote from Big Guy and Rusty? Or is that some other Big Guy..
UrsusTheHorrible: I wasn't sarcastic either.. I was dead serious.
UrsusTheHorrible: How long is it going to take you to type up an intelligent response this time.. ?
UrsusTheHorrible: Hmm. It's been a while. I'm starting to think that you're ignoring me. Just nod if that's true. Go on.
UrsusTheHorrible: Kearby says hi.
ChibiChance: I tire of your idiocay as well.
ChibiChance signed off at 5:39:40 PM.

Hah ... fun. If I had spoken to him in a manner pleasing to his.. personality say, without mentioning that he was harassing a female friend of mine, I bet you twenty real live bucks that he would have reacted quite differently. Ahh, cynicism; one of the most greatest and performed sins, along with unoriginality. What a world we live in, eh?